last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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