I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
