apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
