Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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