You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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