Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
