Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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