i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
