I wish I only lived at night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We have started to decorate penises.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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