I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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