I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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