were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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