i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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