I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize