You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
