I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
