So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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