the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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