Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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