I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
