She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
