I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My breasts were aching with rage.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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