why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
