I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
