he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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