my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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