ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize