i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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