i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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