i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
