I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
