i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
