you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
