i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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