My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
