I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
