Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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