I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I love you. Go after that dick
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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