Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
