There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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