if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize