I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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