and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
