Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
