I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
