Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
