I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize