I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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