we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
