the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
