So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
