Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
