your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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