Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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