I like my sex mixed with concussions.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
