That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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