tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
