am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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