nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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