I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
