Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
