so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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