Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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