wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
