: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
