***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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