My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
