Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
