gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize