I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize