my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
