I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
