Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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