you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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