I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
