We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
